For whatever reason, many people think I am a happy, clappy, cheery person. Well, I don’t blame them. My social media feed deceives people.
I have my periods of sadness and insecurities though.
On a particular period, I was so sad and really needed to talk to someone. I called my friend in Boston with no regard to the time difference and started moaning about how stressed I was and how London just felt like a dark hole for lonely souls.
I didn’t even ask her how she was and if she had slept at all…She’s a doctor and would have been working the 12 hour shift that day and must have been dog tired when I called. I didn’t care.
I needed to speak to someone and it had to be her.
My poor Bostonian had to listen to me for minutes talking endlessly about how I felt and how I could not wait for some obscure goal to materialise.
How I needed sunshine because this London weather was freezing my brain and my work commute was not helping at all.
I have people who are better friends than I am because at that point, I would have feigned bad signal and ended the conversation.
Anyway, she cut me off mid rant and said “Toyin, take your own advice. You told me just last week that in the grand scheme of things, emotions are irrelevant. Why are you allowing your emotions overpower your critical thinking?”
I could have strangled her.
I just kept quiet.
She was right. Those are indeed my lines. Words I say nonchalantly to friends who are emotionally distressed and do not know how to function properly.
Now I was on the receiving end and realised how empty those words are even though I know them to be true.
One thing she did say that I have written on my bathroom mirror is this:
“Irrespective of how you feel, focus on what you have control over. Everything else is a distraction”.
That makes me feel like I am back in control!