Abuja security men and their vices

I am finally in Abuja after all this while…happy much. This town just makes me smile and woe to all of you who think it is a dry city. I have said it repeatedly that if anyone thinks it is a dry city, it is because they do not have a clue where the happening places are and they have dry friends.


Unlike my home coming in Lagos, in Abuja I was welcomed with pounded yam, efo riro and plenty goat meat. I put aside my “healthy lifestyle” and even had a bottle of coke afterwards. All you fitness gurus can point fingers at me as a bad example, that one na your concern. If it helps, I skipped for 20 minutes after the whole meal.

One thing I hate about parking in Abuja is the fact that I simply do not know how to park properly. I envision myself as James Bond and I really cannot remember him parking properly either so I feel no pressure to learn how to do so. Why bother? Very soon, I shall have a driver of my own and would have no need to invest in such skill.

Until I have that driver on hand, I have to park my borrowed car myself. Anyways, I have failed to understand why these security men in Abuja wait for one to finish parking, re-apply lip gloss and wear shoes before saying “madam, abeg you no park well”.

It happened to me today…I saw the security dude when I drove in o. I even said good morning and maybe asked how his weekend was. By the way, I drive without my heels just because I have not mastered the art. Even after watching those girls in fast and furious driving like that in heels, I have decided that I cannot and would not cause an accident because of my vanity.

As I was saying, after parking I finished my ritual of checking my reflection for any hair or make up out of place and wore my shoes (these must have taken 5 minutes) and even made a call o. As I was locking the car, I heard the dreaded “madam, abeg you no park well.” You see, it is too early in the morning to get annoyed and you would be proud of me because I did not get annoyed. I just calmly told the dude in pidgin “abeg no vex, as I don park within the lines, e no concern me whether I park well or not. If you no like am, come carry key and park well for me.” Needless to say, the dude did not accept my offer to park the car and I turned around and sashayed to the office (while silently praying that my tires would not be deflated).

In other news, I was reminded of a car I saw some months ago. The owner took such care to beautify and bedazzle the car…maybe this is what ladies drive?


Have a great day people!


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