I have given up the dream of being a normal human being, I am simply not normal. I used to think I was though, the only normal person in the world until I started hanging out with a couple of people outside my usual circle and came to a conclusion all my friends had come to years before me: I am definitely not your average normal person.
This post is inspired by what transpired this evening. So you see, I have what I call fetishes (others may call it weird but hey, everyone is entitled to their opinions). I went out for dinner with a couple of friends/clients/the boss lady and when we got to the restaurant, I insisted we would not dine there until we found seats where I could sit with my back to the wall. You see, serial killers and murders are out there and I have never felt a knife in my back…and never want to.
I am serious, I have a phobia for sitting in the middle of a restaurant or anywhere. I must have my back to the wall. In the event that, God forbid evil, I have to sit in the middle of a room, there must be mirrors everywhere. Trust me, this is not paranoia, it is a sensible and calculated move to ensure no harm comes to me.
if you watch Criminal Minds and CSI like I do, you would realise that 90% of the victims that were stabbed or killed were sitting in the middle of the room. Common sense dictates that I am not part of that statistic. Why would I willingly put myself in a situation where I may become part of such demographic?
In addition, I am the slowest eater in the world. In my earlier years, I just assumed my family and friends were constantly playing the game for fastest eaters alive until I attended boarding school. Geez people, the food is not running away. I am of the opinion food is to be enjoyed and if I cannot have an hour to myself to enjoy a meal, I would drink a mocha thank you very much, kind regards.
So tonight, my fetishes collided. My determination to sit with my back to the wall and to eat for an hour. It was quite a difficult feat because my boss went to dinner with us and I absolutely cannot show my bossy side. You know, one has to make a huge sacrifice to be as humble as a lamb and as faithful as a turtle dove when work and private life collide.
So I did what any normal human being in my position would not do (remember, I am not normal). I made sure I walked ahead of the pack and spoke to the maitre’d (who was a lady actually). I said to her “hello, good evening, we would need a private corner for our dinner please”. Notice I did not ask, I said to her. There was no debate…and to ensure there was no debate, I turned to the rest of the crew and assured them we would get a corner because the maitre d’ was very efficient and would go out of her way to grant our request. (You see how I made it OUR request without being too bossy? Watch and learn.)
I got my perfect seat and then proceeded to order a starter for everyone but me. I requested my main meal and their starter arrived at the same time. Despite my precaution though, I still finished my meal after them but no one was impatient with me (which was a huge relief). Although, my boss made a snide remark about me always being the last at the table. I smiled and was a good sport about it because it could have been worse you know, I could have finished eating 30 minutes after them.
In other news though, the same boss made sure we went to the beach tonight and this was the awesome view I captured with my amateur camera
This is how it actually looks in the daytime
Have a good day people!